“They read you Cinderella, you hoped it will come true, that one day your Prince Charming will come rescue you. You like romantic movies and you never will forget, the way you felt when Romeo kissed Juliet…”
Corny lyrics of a corny 1990’s pop song…We women of the new millennium do not appreciate these kind of lyrics which supports the ideology that we as women need to be rescued by a prince charming or knight in shining armour….Right????Of course!NOT! We are women,we are strong anything men can do we can do better….Yeah right…I’ve always thought of myself as a kick-ass feminist…until I got into my 1st relationship…at age 15…ok not really a relationship but my 1st bf,the guy I shared my 1st kiss with…
Good girls don’t ask boys out…They wait for the boy to make the 1st move…guess we were all taught this .All or most of us adhered to this for most of our lives. I remember there was one particular boy who I had the hugest crush on at age 17…I was sure I loved him (maybe I did in my own sweet 17 year old way)…I was so head over heels with him that I broke that critical rule…I told him that I liked him,”like a woman likes a man “(my exact words cringe)…Turns out he liked me too,but for some strange reason we never had a relationship.No wait- he said it was because ” he had stuff to deal with and didn’t want me to get caught up in all that, cos I was too good for that….Wow now I loved this dude even more (insert bbm love struck face here).In hind sight it was a classic case of “He’s just not that into you”something I still have trouble realizing until its too late, a good 17 years later…Why do we girls (this term not being used to slag feminism but rather on my denial of being a not so young woman anymore) rather believe all the BS stories than accept the sometimes way more obvious “He’s just not that into you.”You know why???Cos some of us (like your truly)like to believe the best of people and think “why would he lie?” —really silly especially since we’ve been proven wrong over and over again..But also because the truth hurts like a female dog, come on admit it….Its better to believe some crap excuse of “unresolved past issues” than the more obvious “hey I guess I’m just not that into you.”And if you are anything like me, it because you just didn’t see it coming and that sucks big time…Or if you are anything like me,you might have seen or sensed it coming but you hoped and prayed you were wrong and that your over-active paranoid imagination was just playing tricks on you.
So are why are we as woman so gullible?Yes,I dared use the much-hated G-word….The word I would never dare describe myself…I’m a sophisticated,wise woman of the world….Oh please I wish….I’m vulnerable,sensitive (both not things I like people to see),I’m (undercover) romantic and (very undercover),( extremely) sentimental…Sometimes I hate being a woman-really I’m being serious…But most times I love it,I embrace it.Love?Have I given up on it?Nah not yet….but I think I need to take a step back and concentrate on a love relationship I’ve been neglecting for a while…One I haven’t been investing into as much as I should…The relationship with myself…I think its time I take some time for myself…Real time…Not the usual “btw relationship time” I’ve been winging for the past few years…Come on don’t pretend to not know what I’m talking about…”The I love myself and will do put myself 1st” Then bam u find yourself seeing someone and you put all or most of your energy into that person.Weird thing is you don’t even know that you are…even though (in your head) you already busy planning your summer holidays with this person in the middle of April.Also not the winging it until the next relationship comes along kind of me time…I realize lately my whole life has been sort of waiting for IT to happen…Life will get better once IT happens…And the older I get the more (dare I say) desperate I’m getting waiting for IT to happen.And its seriously stressing me out.So much so that I until today didn’t even realize I’m angst-driven when in a relationship,anxious cos IT is all I can think of and in the interim I don’t really enjoy the spontaneity of the now.If you haven’t figured out what this IT is that I’m on about, then I don’t know…The M-word that most of us aspire to since our childhood fairy tale days…Marriage.Well that stops here…Easier said than done maybe,but I commit to living MY life to its fullest potential,to not live it like a lady in waiting anymore,waiting to meet Mr Right,waiting to settle down,cos as much as I want that whole shebang ,I’m tired…Tired of giving people the benefit of the doubt,tired of being disappointed, tired of x-gf issues,tired just so tired.Am I tired of love?Not a damn cos from today I’m embarking on a new love affair,one that I’ve been neglecting for too long…The Love affair with yours truly!!!